Weather Presenter In Europe
It's just retirement sex
Two men were talking. 'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex.'
'Pension sex?'
'Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'
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LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
'I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
He lets out this ear splitting yell.'
'My dear,' the shrink said, 'that's completely natural.
I don't see what the problem is.'
'The problem is,' she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
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CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small,
$6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
To talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
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Five Don'ts When You're Sleeping
1 - DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.
2 - DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.
3 - DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your MO! Bile phone near you, switch it off first.
4 - DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.
Lastly.....
5 - DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE OR HUSBAND
You may never wake up again. : )
Pass this on to some women who need a laugh - - Man Bashing Jokes - -and to men who can handle it
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no
intention of driving.
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
Omid Djalili The Iranian Stand Up Comedian
Foreign Accent Syndrome
TV Heaven
Comedy in Iran and America
Omid Djalili Nigerian
Omid Djalili - Airport paranoia
Wonder How/What Psychedelic Experience Is -----------> Then Try This
Click this Link http://www.neave.com/strobe/, then click on "Click me to get trippy" at the bottom
Stare at the center of the animation for about 30 seconds, then look at your surroundings
Notice anything wobbly?
Hint: Try looking at colouful things such as laser light,disco bulb,faces around you... : )
♥ NIKE ♥
Who Runs Faster?
Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appeared from a distance, running toward them. One of the guys took out a pair of Nikes from his bag and started to put them on. The other guy, with a surprised look on his face, exclaimed, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"
His friend replied, "I don't have to outrun it, I just have to run faster than you."
His friend replied, "I don't have to outrun it, I just have to run faster than you."
Anything For a Fuck!!!!!!!!!
A forester is very much bored with his job in the forest mountains. He is bored because he hasn't had sex for many years. He decides to go down to the valley to look for females. Before going down, he promises himself to have sex with the first female he should meet on the way. He then embarks on his journey and in a short time happens upon a female horse.
He just can't control his urge for sex, so he says to himself , "I'll fuck this horse because I just can't wait anymore."
He chases and chases and chases the horse but cannot catch it. While chasing, he hears a voice crying for help. He immediately runs to the source of the voice, where he sees a man trying to rape a woman. He hurries to help her and is successful.
In return for his heroic behavior, the woman says, "For saving me from that sex maniac, name your price, and I'll pay it. Anything. I mean, anything."
The man replies, "Really? Are you sure? Anything?"
Wh! en the woman says yes, he excitedly says, "Come on, help me chase that horse!"
Fun Pictures : )
Public Glass Toilet in Houston
What if there was fire...............
Policeman /err WOMAN On Duty!!!!!!!!!
Face Expression just Says it!!!!!
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