For-Grins: July 2010

Geography of a Man and a Woman

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like
Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,
has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice,
takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet...

wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages;
an adventurous spirit
and a thirst for
spiritual knowledge.

Then, there's

THE GEOGRAPHY OF
A MAN...

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran ..., ruled by nuts.

If you were around in 1919............................

If you were around in 1919 and came upon the following poster

I mean, seriously… wouldn’t you just keep drinking?

Kids WiLL Definitely Make Your Day Smile

IMPOSSIBLE INCEPTION, all hail master of dreams

Source : http://obefiend.blogspot.com/

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face.

He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?'

'My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek

Trip to the Zooo.............

Budget Travelling - Utilize Your Desktop

Mani the parakeet is looking for a JOB

All Blue - I love my testicles

"I think I have a problem, Doc," says a patient. "One of my balls has turned blue."

The doctor examines the man briefly and concludes that the patient will die if he doesn't have his testicle removed.

"Are you crazy?!" bursts the patient. "How could I let you do such a thing to me!"

"You want to die?" asks the doctor rhetorically, at which point the patient has to agree to have his testicle removed.

Two weeks after the operation, the patient comes back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue, too."

Again, the doctor tells him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off, too. Again, the man is very reluctant to the idea.

"Hey, you want to die?" asks the doctor, and the patient has to agree with the operation. After two weeks of being testicle-less, the patient returns to the doctor and says, "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blu! e."

After briefly examining the patient, the doctor gives him the bad news: If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, the patient does not want to hear about it.

"You want to die?" asks the doctor.

"But...how do I pee?"

"We'll install a plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So the patient has his penis removed, and, a while after the operation, the unfortunate man enters the doctor's office again. He is very angry.

"Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue!"

"What?"

"Can you tell me what the hell is happening??"

The doctor examines the patient more carefully and says, "Hmmm, I don't know. Could it be the jeans?"

The Obedient Wife - Send this to every clever female you know, and to every man who thinks they are smarter than women!!!

There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,

And was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife... 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. '

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

'Wait just a moment!'

Arjen Robben World Cup Picture Parody

Anybody heard of Indian Jews?????

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Indian restaurant in New York . Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India ?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I wont be knowing, but I will ask the Chef .After he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'The Chef and the Captain my bossand they all say there is no Indian Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!'

Listen you assholes , I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter. 'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Cococnut Jews & Tomato Jews! - No Indian Jews OK!!!!!???!!!

NO MORE CHEATING DURING EXAMS - CHINA‏

In China, Girls always cheat during exams. To stop the trend, Chinese School Authorities finally devised a new method to stop this never ending practice. Check out this new practice the authorities have come up with.... How true is this???

Paul The Sotong Chooses Malaysia To Win..

Arrested for Laughing

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.

When She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing………………She had him arrested.

Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner.

His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn’t help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read:
‘Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins’.

I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement, which
read:
‘William’s Stick Did The Trick’.

Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:

‘Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.’

The case was dismissed………!!!!!!!!

The BULL Comedy!!!!

My wife and I went to the Lincolnshire county farm show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR '

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs... Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice! A week !... You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,

In capital letters,

'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,'That's once a day... You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

I don't remember much about what happened next...