For-Grins: August 2010

The story of a genie who failed his England SOOOOOO BADLYYYY ( 12" Pianist)

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One day a man entered a bar, and after having few drinks he noticed a very tiny man playing a miniature piano near the bartender. The man asks,

"Where did you find this man? Even though he's small but he sure can play the piano very well.."

To this the bartender replied,

" I found a magic lamp in the dumpster behind this bar, i wished for it and here he is, the tiniest of all pianist"

The man asks,

"Do you still have the magic lamp with you?"

"It's still there in the dumpster, go ahead and try if you wish.." said the bartender. Then the man rushes to the back of the bar and found the magic lamp inside the dumpster. He rubbed it and wished,

" I wish for a million bucks", he said. But what he got in return was a million ducks coming down from the sky and crapping on him. The man got back into the bar, and furiously asked the bartender,

"Screw you man, i found the lamp and when i wished for a million bucks, these rain of ducks came from the sky and crapped the hell outta me!

The bartender replied,

" Well, did you really thought i was wishing for a 12 inch pianist then?"

Epic Win Moonwalk with Grocery Cart.............Try This at your local store Lads

Happy 53rd Birthday Malaysia ~ We Lurve Ya

We Need a Man Like Miss Jay Alexander.

Malaysian Ringgit At Its Best!!!

Milk from A Cow Keeps you Full but....................

There were three guys hitchiking along the roads of a plain, boring field because their car overheated from the long drive. Exhausted, hungry, and thirsty from the long walk, they were desperately willing to stay over anywhere. Fortunately, they saw about a mile ahead of them a cow ranch, filled with hundreds of cows. They decided to stay there for the night. So they looked for the main office to ask the ranch owner if they could stay for the night. However, the ranch owner left for the day and no one was there. Too tired from their journey, they decided rather to sleep with the cows than walk forever. They each slept under a cow.

One guy said, "I'm hungry and thirsty, what will we eat and drink?"

Another guy suggested to drink the milk from the cow since they were lying beneath the milk sac. So they began to suck and drink.

The first guy said, "My cow's milk is so good, I finished it all and now I'm full."

The second guy said, "M! y cow's milk is so good, I finished it all and now I'm full."

The third guy said, "My cow's milk doesn't taste quite right."

The first and second guy then said to the third guy, "Well, try another nipple, that one probably has no more milk."

The third guy in a confused state exclaimed, "But how come my cow has only one, long, nipple!?"

Duck Hunting

One weekend, a man from the city decided to go duck hunting. He headed for the country and stopped at a field that looked as though it could attract ducks. While walking through a field, several ducks flew overhead. He aimed, fired, and shot one of the ducks out of the sky. However, the duck landed on the other side of a large irrigation ditch with no signs of any nearby crossing.

He briefly thought about leaving the duck but realized that the weather was becoming worse. Not wanting to return home empty handed, he decided to try and find some way across. About a quarter mile further ahead he found a crossing and, as he walked back along the other side, came across a farmer who was carrying his duck.

"Excuse me?" he said, "I believe that's my duck you're carrying."

"Oh I don't think so," replied the farmer, "It landed on my property. This here's my duck."

They argued back and forth for a few minutes and then the farmer suggested a! solution.

"Let's settle this the country way. We'll take turns kicking each other in the balls and the first man to give in, gives up the duck."

The hunter thought about it for a minute. At first he questioned the sanity of engaging in a "ball-kicking" contest but felt he was tough enough and accepted the challenge.

"Alright then," Said the farmer, "I'll go first."

The hunter took a deep breath and prepared himself for the blow. The farmer reared back and kicked the hunter in the balls as hard as he could. The hunter moaned and dropped to the ground, rolling around in pain as he grasped his groin. After several minutes the hunter recovered to his feet, took several deep breaths and said, "Okay, now it's my turn."

The farmer looks at the hunter, shakes his head and says, "Oh, that's okay, you can have your duck."

Firm it UP

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.

The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother.

All you Corrupted Minds....... How fast are you???

Bill Gates & Steve Jobs

Bubba Again.....

A gas station owner in Hattisburg , Mississippi was trying to increase

his sales. So he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked

for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.

The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,

One Malaysia Jokes - Can We Laugh at Ourselves????

1)How the 3 races buy a car...
Chinese will ask: Boss ah, resale value good anot?
Malay will ask: Encik, minyak dia satu tank bape ringgit?
Indians will ask: Inche, ini kereta brapa orang buleh masuk?

2)In Malaysia ...
If you're not lazy, you're not Malay,
If you're not greedy, you're not Chinese,
If you don't get drunk every night, you're not Indian~~~

3)What does CIMB bank stand for?
Cina India Melayu Bank

4)When Hari Raya comes close to Chinese New Year, they call it 'Kongsi Raya'
When Hari Raya comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Deeparaya'
When Chinese New Year comes close to Deepavali, they call it 'Kongsi Gelap'

5)Q : Why cant the indians win the world cup?
A: Every time they get a corner,they set up a mamak stall.

Kisses - Muaxxxxxx

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India ...

Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has
affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.

Your loving husband,
JITA SINGH

His wife replied...

TINKU KE PAPPA ,

Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...:

1 The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.

4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand..

5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance...
Shall I plan the same for the next month?

Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi

Can you Spot the Wrong??

Something Wrong with the Skirt????

No Comments

MY Goat is in a PEN

Random Jokes

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very wildful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,

'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'

A man went to church one day and afterwards he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!' The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.' The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher gasped, 'No shit?'

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.

With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.' The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table. 'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'

'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .

'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonder-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies.

'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!