Make her "FEEL" Like a Woman..
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by rain, hail, wind and lightning. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and that they are all going to die. At the height of the storm, a young woman jumps up and exclaims, "I can't take this anymore! I can't just sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I am going to die, let me at least die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like woman?"
She sees a hand raise in the back, and a muscular man starts to walk up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt. She can see the man's muscles even in the poor lighting of the plane. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand and says to her, "I can make you feel like a woman before you die. Are you interested?" Eagerly, she shakes her head and exclaims, "Yes!" The man hands her his shirt and says, "Here, iron this."
S.O.B - - - - - Matured
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a fe! w minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
Being above averagephysically requires the right information. These are some tips i compiled for the ladies whom are not happy with themselve!!
Some transformations to ponder upon. How they do it.. Determination of course!
Hilary O'Connor
Tatyana Hristova
Why am i writing for the ladies.. Cause i want to share!
10 jokes!!
1. Why are condoms transparent? So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
2. Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed.. We serve the needy, not the greedy.
3. New AIDS awareness slogan: Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.
4. Why is sex like shaving? Well, because no matter how well you do it today. tomorrow you'll have to do it again.
5. What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster? Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.
6. Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right? Because 90% boys are right handed.
7. What is the difference between an UNDERWEAR & a STAGE CURTAIN? When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the UNDERWEAR... it is SHOWTIME!
8. What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum? Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later
9. Advantages of having an affair with a married woman. They give like hell. They do not yell. They do not tell. They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!
10. My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!
The Ugly Truth
I just watched this movie last night and i find the matured jokes totally hilarious. So is the truth real ugly???? Girls waiting for their prince to pick em up with their white horse and guys are like the monkeys being all wild, horny and constantly fantasizing bout flicking the "bean"... So can ABBY, a beautiful control freak woman who hates to be fed, loves tap water falls for MIKE who proves that all his dating theories and treats women as easy-manipulated magpies...? Well the movie sells and that's also an ugly truth...
Anyway here's the movie quotes i found..
1) Mike: You're all about comfort and efficiency!
Abby Richter: What's wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Mike: Well nothing, except no one wants to f*** it.
2) Abby Richter: My cat stepped on the remote.
Mike: Well, be sure to thank your pussy for me.
3) Mike: "While burning the books"…Billions and Billions, wasted on this psychobabble bullshit. Now listen up ladies, ’cause I’m only gonna say this once and it’s just three little words…men are simple…we cannot be trained. and all of this, ‘Men are from Venus” crap is a waste of your time and money. If you want to be a lonely hag, then keep reading these books, but if you want a relationship, heres how you get one…It’s called a Stairstepper, get on it, and get skinny. and get some trashy lingerie while your at it, because at the end of the day all were interested in is looks. No one falls in love with your personality at first sight.
4) Mike: It's not for you, it's for your "bean"........LOL!!!! took me awhile to guess..
5) There was another part where they were talking about how she shouldn’t talk about her problems cause guys don't care. and she argued and said some guys care. Mike responded by saying some guys pretend to care and when a guy asks how are you doing its just translation for i wanna stick my "dick in your ass".
Gotta watch it again!!!
Rating: 7/10
Mommy got Pwned!!!
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and going to the woods.
Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.
I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."
At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.
I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.
I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.
Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.."
Cabby Joke....
A woman and her ten-year-old son were riding a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mom," said the boy, "What are all those women doing?"
"They are waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady,why don't you tell him the truth? They are hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mom, what happens to those babies those women have?"
"Most of them become cab drivers," she said
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