Look very closely
LOOK CLOSELY
Notice anything?
Look closely..........
You see it now?.........
Still don't see it
Come on now ...
I Just Cleaned My Garage...
Who's the Blonde?
Okay.........here it is. A test to see if your brain is still working.
Which one do you think is the blonde?
Scroll down. Amazing... I did not
see it before.
The Blonde is the one with the wrong leg up.
That is OK I did not Pass the test EITHER!!!!
Bodybuilder's Short Fuse
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a Great chest you have!'
He tells her,'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her, That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the
apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'
7 Facebook Status Updates You Should Never Post
1)
Even worse would be if you posted a status about cheating and your teacher saw it. Unfortunately for this guy, his status updates are public. However given that he doesn’t have a high bar set for himself (only wants to pass), it’s not surprising that he’s cheating in the first place. This status update is another time where making it public (as this guy did) will not pay off. You just publicly confessed to cheating.
2)
While you may hate your boss, posting about it on Facebook is not the best idea … especially if you’ve friended them already. The girl pictured above has become the textbook example of why you should post about hating your boss. Honestly, it’s probably not a good idea to write that you hate anybody in your status update since it could come around and bite you in the butt, however adding your boss and then complaining about them won’t earn you bonus points. Instead, it will get you fired.
3)
Personally, I love to be inspired but posting random quotes throughout the day can get a bit annoying. If somebody needs that extra boost to get them through the day, they’ll let you know they need it. For those users who think that they are the next motivational speaker to take the world by storm, you may want to reconsider posting your omniscient update because your previous update was about how you drank too much the night before and are now completely hungover.
4)
Did you really just finish eating? What did you eat? Did you realize that nobody cares what you’re eating? Posting a status update about the mundane activities in your life only helps others realize that your life is completely boring. In order to spice things up a bit, you may want to say things like “suiting up to go sky diving” even though you just finished a burger at McDonalds.
5)
It’s really nice to know that your sex life is great, but honestly, most people don’t want to know. While some people may actually be interested, posting a public status update about your daily sex activities as well as your personal bodily functions will not get you any bonus points. In this picture the girl probably needs to get a clue since she’s posting photos of herself in her underwear, but with the status updates combined, I would probably have already lost all hope. I wonder what her mom or future boss will think about the status updates
6)
Did you just steal something? Perhaps a car or even something smaller? Posting an update that you are committing a crime is a good way to get caught. Then again, you probably shouldn’t need to be taught this lesson … you are simply not a good criminal.
7)
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Do I Know You?
A man gets off a plane in Boston and heads immediately for the men's room. It's crowded but he finds a vacant urinal to gain relief after the long flight and after having many drinks.
The man at the urinal next to his says, "You're Jewish?"
"Yes."
"You come from Sudbury?"
"Yes."
"Your parents went to Temple Immanuel?"
"Yes," he says. "But I don't think I know you. How do you know so much about me?"
The man next to him replies, "Rabbi Minski of Temple Immanuel is the only Rabbi I know that performs circumcisions by cutting at an angle and you're peeing in my shoe!"
A JEW & ARAB DOING BUSINESS
An Arab goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38.The Jew, known for his skills as businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore
he has to charge $50.00 for them.
he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Arab buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders 50 pairs.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him
$60.00 each.
The Arab returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him
$60.00 each.
The Arab returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Arab, please tell me what he does with all these Black bras.
The Arab answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $100.00 each.
God And WD 40 + Funny Pics
There was once a woman who was married to a man who would make extremely load and disgusting farts every morning as soon as he woke up. Every time he did so, the woman was disgusted and told him, "One of these days, you're going to fart your guts out!"
One morning the woman got up early to cook a turkey for a party they were hosting that night. As she looked down at the turkey's guts and entrails that she had just removed, she got a Mischievous little idea...
The woman then took the turkey entrails and guts and walked upstairs to her bedroom, where her husband was still sleeping. She carefully pulled down his shorts and placed the turkey guts inside them. She smiled and went back downstairs to finish her work.
A few minutes later, she heard her husband wake up with his usual "Sonic-Boom" fart, immediately followed by a blood-curdling scream. She laughed as she heard him run into the bathroom.
A short while later, he came down to t! he kitchen still panting from the scare. She tried to hold back a smile as she asked him what was the matter.
This was his reply: "Honey, you were right! You said one of these days i was gonna fart my guts out. And it happened! But, by the grace of God and a can of WD-40, i got most of it back in!"
Funny PICS
Malam Pertama
Seorang pemuda yang akan berkahwin telah berjumpa seorang bomoh yang juga seorang pakar dalam masalah tenaga batin untuk mendapatkan sedikit petua.
Pemuda : Tok,saya akan berkahwin tidak lama lagi tetapi saya masih belum bersedia.Bagilah petua untuk saya menghadapi malam pertama nanti.
Bomoh : Malam pertama merupakan malam yang sangat penting bagi lelaki.Kamu seharusnya dapat memberi kepuasan yang tidak dapat dilupakan oleh isteri kamu nanti.
Pemuda : Bagaimanakah caranya tok bomoh.
Bomoh : Begini,kamu seharusnya membesarkan alat kelaminmu dan ini akan membuatkan isterimu menjerit pada malam pertamanya.
Pemuda : Bagaimana caranya tok ?
Bomoh : Kamu mesti merendam alat kelaminmu setiap malam dalam air teh setiap malam sehinggalah malam pertamamu.
Pemuda tersebut balik ke rumah dan melakukan apa yang dikata oleh tok bomoh pada setiap malam.
Pada malam pertamanya,tok bomoh juga berada dirumahnya.Tiba-tiba kedengaran isteri pemuda itu menjerit kuat.Tok bomoh mula terfikir akan kehebatan petua yang diberikannya kepada pemuda tersebut.Tiba-tiba pemuda tersebut keluar dari biliknya dengan wajah yang sedih.Tok bomoh hairan lalu bertanya kepada pemuda tersebut.
Bomoh : Kenapa cepat sangat..?
Pemuda : Saya punya memamng panjang tok tapi kenapa hanya sebesar pensil saja...?
Bomoh : Adakah kamu ikut petua yang tok ajarkan...?
Pemuda : Sudah tok.Tiap-tiap malam saya merendam saya punya dalam segelas air teh.
Bomoh : Teh apa yang kamu gunakan ?
Pemuda : ????????? Mustika Ratu - Slimming Tea tok...
Pemuda : Tok,saya akan berkahwin tidak lama lagi tetapi saya masih belum bersedia.Bagilah petua untuk saya menghadapi malam pertama nanti.
Bomoh : Malam pertama merupakan malam yang sangat penting bagi lelaki.Kamu seharusnya dapat memberi kepuasan yang tidak dapat dilupakan oleh isteri kamu nanti.
Pemuda : Bagaimanakah caranya tok bomoh.
Bomoh : Begini,kamu seharusnya membesarkan alat kelaminmu dan ini akan membuatkan isterimu menjerit pada malam pertamanya.
Pemuda : Bagaimana caranya tok ?
Bomoh : Kamu mesti merendam alat kelaminmu setiap malam dalam air teh setiap malam sehinggalah malam pertamamu.
Pemuda tersebut balik ke rumah dan melakukan apa yang dikata oleh tok bomoh pada setiap malam.
Pada malam pertamanya,tok bomoh juga berada dirumahnya.Tiba-tiba kedengaran isteri pemuda itu menjerit kuat.Tok bomoh mula terfikir akan kehebatan petua yang diberikannya kepada pemuda tersebut.Tiba-tiba pemuda tersebut keluar dari biliknya dengan wajah yang sedih.Tok bomoh hairan lalu bertanya kepada pemuda tersebut.
Bomoh : Kenapa cepat sangat..?
Pemuda : Saya punya memamng panjang tok tapi kenapa hanya sebesar pensil saja...?
Bomoh : Adakah kamu ikut petua yang tok ajarkan...?
Pemuda : Sudah tok.Tiap-tiap malam saya merendam saya punya dalam segelas air teh.
Bomoh : Teh apa yang kamu gunakan ?
Pemuda : ????????? Mustika Ratu - Slimming Tea tok...
NUN - HIPPIE - BUS DRIVER - - - - SO GAY
One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."
Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.
The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.
Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"
The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"
The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking - - - - EEEEWWWW
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
“Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”
And they did.
“Well done, son!
Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.”
And they did.
“Now we eat everybody.”
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked,”Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?”
His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”
Now you know…
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.
“Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.
“First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.”
And they did.
“Well done, son!
Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.”
And they did.
“Now we eat everybody.”
And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked,”Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?”
His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”
Now you know…
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.
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