- Chuck Norris never needs a flash light, he just stares into the darkness and it moves out of the way
- Chuck Norris does not get frostbite . Chuck Norris bites frost
- Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with teddy bear... Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear
- Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it
- When Chuck Norris flushes the toilet...it is better known as a tornado.
- When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the earth down
- Chuck Norris made a fish drown.
- Death Once had a near Chuck Norris experience .
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants are know today as Giraffes .
- Chuck Norris has been to Mars before , that's why there are no signs of life.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch . He decides what time is IT .
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass . AT NIGHT
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Vijayakanth makes onions cry
Vijayakanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
Ghosts are actually caused by Vijayakanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
Vijayakanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
Vijayakanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Vijayakanth can drown a fish.
When Vijayakanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
When Vijayakanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Vijayakanth and Vijayakanth .
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Vijayakanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
Vijayakanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Bullets dodge Vijayakanth
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Vijayakanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Vijayakanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Vijayakanth.
Vijayakanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Once a cobra bit Vijayakanth leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Vijayakanth can kill two stones with one bird.
Vijayakanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Vijayakanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
There is no such thing as global warming. Vijayakanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Vijayakanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
It takes Vijayakanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Vijayakanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vijayakanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Vijayakanth.
Vijayakanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Vijayakanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Vijayakanth is pain. Do not try to square Vijayakanth, the result is death.
When you say "no one's perfect", Vijayakanth takes this as a personal insult.
Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Vijayakanth
Vijayakanth has counted infinity--twice.
Vijayakanth doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Vijayakanth kicked one of the corners off.
Vijayakanth once are an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Vijayakanth there is no other way!
Vijayakanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Vijayakanth can slam a revolving door.
When Vijayakanth falls in water, Vijayakanth doesn't get wet. Water gets Vijayakanth.
Vijayakanth can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Vijayakanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Vijayakanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Vijayakanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Vijayakanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Vijayakanth s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time?
Answer: Vijayakanth
If you want a list of Vijayakanth's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Vijayakanth does both legs at once.
Vijayakanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
There are two kinds of people in this world:
1) those who are dead
2) those who have yet to meet Vijayakanth
Music listens to Vijayakanth.
Vijayakanth pawns Chuck Norris
